Saturday, October 20, 2012

Where's My Love?

I had been single for a year and 8 months.

Many guys walk in and out of my life through this period. But i didn't manage to let any guy stay even the one i love most, i care most.

Feeling so lonely. This is loneliness is exceptionally strong this week because i'm home alone.

Cooking alone, washing the dishes and clothes alone. Going back home alone.

This feeling is scary. Yesterday i had a nightmare. I was so scare someone will break in the house in the middle of the night and i'm all alone to fight him. But in the end i kept telling myself it will be alright. Nothing will happen.

I'm feeling so sick and tired of life in fact. I didn't feel like continuing my studies. Though i'm left with just 4 papers. i'm already 2/3 done with my studies. And i feel like giving up just like that. I don't know what wrong with me.

I was to crave out a career. My dream. But everything seems so meaningless when u have no one by your side supporting you.

I'm living because my heart is still pumping. I will not give up my live so easily because there are alot of people who wants to live but have no chance to live.

I don't know how long will my heart pump. But i will live life with a smile no matter how bad times it may be.

I'm a contradict in this post. But i'm this way. Tired of how people treat your sincere concern like nothing. Tired of how people take you for granted. Tired how people lie to you always.

I just want a guy who cherish and appreciate me is it that difficult? I just want someone who stand me no matter how bad time it may be. I never once request much from any guy. Perhaps because i don't request much that's why guys dun like me.

From my knowledge guy friends said i'm a girl who is very easy to chat with. Yes i'm that easy. And i will trust the person right from the start until the day he/she did something that will destroy this trust.

Because i believe that no one is perfect in the world so i didn't request much from anyone. Why life live with so much request and end up getting tired of it because you can't get your request?

A smile is always very simple. I smile very easily but i also tear alot. Because of all the people who betray me and hurt me. A humming bird will put a smile in my face when i see it. This is what happen when i was in USA.

I smile alot when i was with Bruce. So much so that i couldn't believe it. But when i'm back in Singapore i'm back to myself. The old self that cry so often. I cried alot when bruce wasn't around. When he didn't message me for the past 2 months.

And i kept recalling how i used to cry when i was young. How i was actually slapped by sister and started crying just because i dun understand the things she is trying to teach me. Just because i was naughty so i get slapped on the face. Till now this images still haunts me.

I get content very easily. I love good food. I love music. I love the nature. All these can put a smile on me. But will i ever have someone who puts a smile onto me one day?


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