Sunday, June 25, 2006


Today i came online to see my nephew kj online. I wasnt tat eager to talk to him anymore... I'm not sure is it due to a small arguement we've or what. But what i know is that i'm hurt this time and this hurt is a deep one i believe i might have to take some time before starting to talk to him again...

After i've print out some stuff for my schoolwork, i decided to talk to him. He invited me to webcam him. I agree. But i didnt really care that much and i carry on with my web surfing. Soon i turn off the webcam and he turn it on again. This time i turn it off. We barely speak a few words in msn. And we ended our conversation about an hour before he left cyber cafe. I really cant imagine that to happen to us... No long chat, no eagerness to talk to each other, nothing to talk about not even accounts. We barely get to meet online to chat but yet we chose not to talk.

Before we are so close, but now it seem that we are so far apart. Is what i say going to come true? A goodbye for long ?? I dunno and i also dun wish to know.

School is going to reopen soon, I have homework to be done and stress is seen everywhere. No one really knows how much stress i'm going through even my parents and him. I have exams in a week time, homework to be complete, family problem to manage, household chores, computer is giving me problems again and the arguement with him...

The muar trip i had 2 weeks ago, wasnt really too successful for me, cos my aim to go there is to relieve all my stress before preparing for exams, but it seems like i have brought even more stress back to singapore. No one seems to care about me. Not even him this time. Sometimes i just feel like jumping off the building and end everything but i know i cant. I have to think of all the consequences. What will happen to my parents, my brother... I think my parent will quarrel even more becos of my brother, and my brother might turn bad without a guidance by me. Cos just one week of no guidance(becos wan to study for exams) for my brother, he turned for the worse... And my parents had a quarrel again.

All these things i believe hardly any family will have. A 17 yr old gal, managing family problems and at the same time struggling academically. It's very hard and a tough road i'm going through now. I need some support from anyone. But i dun seems to have it. New school friends, are very different from my secondary school friends. And i have been trying hard to mingle with them. Tml is sch reopen and i have to face one more stress.

I have been hoping for someone to relieve my stress all along, but yet no one has really helped me to do so. Instead of helping me, i feel more stressful now. And that is my nephew kien jean. But also cannot blame him becos i'm partly in the wrong too. I think is becos i feel close to him so much that i take him as my bf. And that has been putting him in a difficult position. In this blog i wish to apolognise to him and i dun really hope for more concern from him, cos definately i will take him as my bf again. And i dun wish for that to happen.

To say the truth, i've never been in love before so i wun know how is it like and how is it feel like. I'm not too yearning for a relationship but somehow i fell into it unknowingly, creating uncomfortableness in someone else. This is not i want at all. I just hope this will end soon and will not create anymore unhappiness.

Stress is unvoidable and i have to learn to cope it well enough if not i will hurt others and also myself in the end. I just hope to have someone close to share all my stressfulness soon. Who ever is it, i just hope u wun be hurt by me...


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