Thursday, November 29, 2012

Loving someone is not owning them

I just remember this phrase. If you really love a person let him/her be free. Now i'm gonna bury my feelings for my beloved Bruce. Perhaps this is the best way for me now.

Actually i totally understand this phrase when i met him. Because i told him this before:

00:03, 7 Aug - Klytin: Just wan to let u know. If u met another girl in the tour and she is nearer to ur age. Go ahead and be with her Oki? Let me know and I will wish u happiness though I maybe reluctance.

00:04, 7 Aug - Klytin: I know our age gap is wat u are worried about. Dun really wan u to worry about this for life also.
06:27, 7 Aug - Bruce Chang: Ha ha u really funny bc u worry so many thing , I'm not worry our age gap actually I'm kind of happy u like to be with me bc u r too good for me ha ha , I'm not going to mat anyone on my tour bc that's not my usually do ..

This is the exact watsapp history i had with him.

I never say this to any other guy before. This is the first time i ever did that. I trust every words he said to me although he is a tour guide. I know i really fell in love with him. But i know at this moment he is not feeling that good either. Because he set me free from him. He wants me to get the love i deserve from a much younger guy. Because he is such a guy who will keep the feelings he have for a girl inside of him and not say it out unless the girl asked him.

Actually he succeeded in keeping his feelings inside of him because even my parents don't even know he likes me during the trip. But i saw it through his eyes. I saw the feelings.

I'm tearing once again at this very moment. I hope it will be the last time. Burying the feelings is not something easy to do. And i know he is feeling the same way. He is a nice guy. I don't want to hurt him further more. So i sent him a last message of good bye.

It's a pain that i wish to bury it with him and not to mention it again. If i'm not wrong i truly felt the pain he is going through. Letting it go isn't easy but i have to keep trying.

I really miss him alot. I really hope to fly over to find him and tell him how much i love him. But i'm also scare of what he will do. I don't have the courage. I don't know if i will have the courage to do so next year.

My heart is very pain at this moment. But i know he is great guy who don't want to bind me and make me suffer the pain of not seeing him as and when i wanted. To him, he feels i deserve a much better guy than him. But he did not know that he is the only one who can give me the real happiness. This is because he saw the real happiness i had on my face when i was with him. He found the real me hiding behind the curtain because of fear. He have no idea how much i'm really grateful to met him. He is my sun, shining the dark, shining the love into my eyes.

The song that i would like to dedicated to him and only him. One of our favourite singer Celine Dion: Because you love me.

He is only one who deserve this very song. Every single word in the song is dedicated to him. It means from the bottom of my heart. Hope he can see this blog one day and know that i truly fell for him. Will never ever forget the every little action he did for me.

5 days was all we spend together but i will never ever forget it. The love in his eyes was all that give me the strength even until now. Actually i wanted to use this song for my wedding with him because every words really speaks what i felt. My Bruce Chang Keng Hao(小张,张耿豪) I know you never lie to me and i know the love you had for me. I wish you all the best in your future life. May we have the fate to meet each other again.


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