Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Still fighting over my heartache

Been such a long time since he last message me but i'm still fighting to recover. It's not as easy as it seems but i believe i will be able to do so...

I was really wondering, why can't Mr Bruce just be more daring to love for this once. Just like how Alex To does...

I really miss him alot. Everytime when i listen to music. Any music, it would remind me of him. Remind me of everything we did together, laugh together, smile together.

It's usually the simplest things that made us smile. In our hearts, we knew we love each other. But we are afraid. I was thinking, why did am i not myself. As i think back, i knew the answer. Cherish. That's the word. Because i really cherish this relationship such that i dare not move forward too much worrying that it will vanish. For him, it's exactly the same feeling. We cherish the friendship we had and we worried that if we say out and if the other party have no feelings, this friendship would be gone forever.

This is the first time i ever had this precious feelings. So unforgetable. But of cos i hope from friends to lovers is the option. But for him, he is man. A very matured man. Which is why i really liked him. He is a man that always puts into the shoes of others. I only spend like 5 days with him but yet i knew so much about him. This is because i read him mind. Always.

He is never a lie. And he speaks the truth. That's what i believe. Because i see him. When my friends said he is a liar, i had a struggle. But in the end i still believe him. Because he did not break my trust in him. No one knows fully how i felt, or did they even try to understand it.

I knew why he left so sudden. It's because he care too much for me. Right from the time he knew my age, he knew he had to protect me from harm, in anyway. He is my angel, my guardian, my sun. He had been trying hard not to fall for me. Because he knew it's not fair for me. He knew how it felt like to not have partner because the partner die of old age or accident. If i was not wrong his family is one reason. He knew how does it felt like to not have a father around. He knew every emotions that his mum is going through.

He did not want me to be like her. He cared alot for me. I know. Because i felt it. I really felt it. Letting me go, was a real pain for him. Seeing me this sad, was also a pain for him. But he have no where to release them. I knew all these, because i felt it. We live so far apart. But i felt every bit of it. I never talk to him for months, but i felt the pain in him.

Is that a hallucination ? Maybe? Maybe not?

I only know at this very moment i really wish to be by his side. Just sit down quietly accompany him. My perfect tour guide, my perfect man, you can only be kept in my heart until i have the courage to face you few years down the road. Until my fear of losing you is gone.


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