Sunday, December 02, 2012

Finally everything is relieved

Everything is over i guess. I got a reply from Bruce. He is kind enough to help me out by asking me not to go over. I was thinking am i really a bother to him when i sms him last time. But i guess it's really time to let go of everything.

Thinking back, i realised it's quite a pain when are indecisive whether to wait or not to wait for the one you really like. It's the worse feeling that anyone can ever get.

For me letting everything go was relieve, i never felt pain. I thought i would cry but i didn't. Actually i force myself to cry while watching some sad movie but then end up i only cry like a few minute and it's gone. This is the first time i felt this way. Strange isn't it?

But i'm glad everything is over. Though i still hope to be friends with him, but i doubt so he would want to.

Before he replied my message, i posted on a forum about this struggled i had. Someone actually told me off. Saying that he/she suppose i'm young and blah blah blah. She was even saying it's because he is the dream guy i was looking for and that it's more of like a puppy love or infatuation.

As a open minded person, i accepted what she said. Though accepted, but i didn't really agree. Because she don't really know the whole story before she actually comment on it.

Of course i know it's not an infatuation. If it is, i wouldn't hurt so much while trying to let go of him for the past few months. I have cried in the middle of the night so many times.

Actually i know how much i cherish him as a friend. For him, he also cherished me alot. In fact 2 of us dun wish to end things this way. We actually talked about what happen during the trip through watsapp. We actually realised, it's because we hold back too much that's why things didn't end well.

He is scare that i would think that he is a tour guide who always chase girls while i scare that he mind the age difference. It's the first time, i didn't dare to ask a guy out for dinner. Usually if i like a guy, i would be much more daring. I wanted very much to ask him out for dinner when i was in Las Vegas, but i hold back because i'm also scare. I had been thinking so much before i sleep and thinking, if i should ask him out. In the end i didn't.

I know he was the perfect one for me because i see how he works, i see the passion he have for his work, for his life and for everything. I wanted to let him so much what i do, what is my life before and now. So much things i wanted to share with him. But i didn't get the chance to do so. Now it's too late, I only hope we will have the fate to meet again and be friends again.

Smiling at each other and enjoying each other's company quietly was what we enjoy the most. Seeing me smile was what makes him the happiest and seeing him smile because of my reaction was what i enjoyed the most through the trip also. Though we kept quiet but we enjoyed the process.

I can only say, if you love someone, don't hold yourself back too much. More importantly, learn to cherish the chance you have, once it's gone it will never be back again.


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